“I Want a Divorce but My Husband Doesn't” | The Real Reason 69% of Divorces Are Initiated by Women
Does this sound familiar?
You remember everyone's dentist appointments. You plan dinner, manage the household, and carry the invisible work that keeps your family running. You've tried talking about it. Asked your spouse for help. Even gone to counseling.
And yet somehow, you're still carrying everything. Alone. Even though you're married.
Maybe you've been thinking: "I want a divorce but my husband doesn't." And now you're stuck—knowing you can't stay, but unsure how to move forward when your partner isn't on the same page.
If you've ever wondered why women initiate divorce at such staggering rates, you're about to find out. And it's not because women "give up easier." 🙄
I'm Rhonda Noordyk, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and fierce advocate for women navigating high stakes divorces. For over a decade, I've worked with women who finally chose themselves after years of one-sided partnership.
Welcome to Disrupting Divorce: Conversations for Women—your space for real talk about the financial and emotional realities of divorce that most professionals won't address. If you're facing a complex divorce, dealing with an imbalanced partnership, or just exhausted from carrying everything alone, this show is for you. Every article is designed to give you the clarity, confidence, and strategy to protect your lifestyle and legacy.
In this article, we're diving into why women file for divorce at significantly higher rates than men—and what the research actually reveals about modern marriage. I’ll walk you through the shocking statistics, the patterns I see every single day in my work with divorcing women, and the real reasons women finally choose to leave.
By the end of this article, you'll understand:
Why your reasons for considering divorce are valid
What the data tells us about who benefits most from marriage
Why protecting your financial future is just as important as protecting your emotional one
So if you've ever felt guilty for thinking about leaving or wondered if you're expecting too much—stay with me. This could be the article that gives you the permission you didn't know you needed.
Let's dive in.
Tons of Women are Saying “I Want a Divorce”
Women initiate approximately 69% of divorces. And for college-educated women? That number skyrockets to 90%.
This isn't new. This pattern has held steady since the 1940s—long before anyone was talking about "leaning in" or "having it all."
Here's what makes this striking…
Women also take the bigger financial hit when they leave. On average, they experience a 41% drop in their standard of living after divorce. Men? They see a 23% drop.
Let that sink in for a second.
Women know divorce will cost them financially.
They know their lifestyle will take a hit.
They know recovery will be harder.
And they still choose to leave.
Why? Because staying in an empty marriage costs more than money ever could.
What Single Women Believe About Marriage (And Why It Matters for Women's Divorce)
Here's another statistic that should make us all pause:
55% of single women believe that unmarried women are happier than married women.
Yep—more than half of single women look at marriage and think, "No thanks. I'm better off on my own."
Interestingly, single men don't believe this about themselves. 🤔
Men overwhelmingly view marriage as beneficial—something that improves their lives, gives them stability, makes them happier. Women? They're looking at the same institution and seeing something completely different:
They’re watching their married friends disappear into exhaustion.
They're seeing women who work full-time but still do most of the housework.
Women who earn their own money but can't make financial decisions without checking in.
Women who carry the mental load of managing everyone's schedules, emotions, and needs—while their husbands get credit for "helping."
And single women are making a choice based on what they see: independence looks a whole lot better than partnership when partnership means doing everything alone anyway.
Young Women Are Opting Out
Pew Research (2024) shows only 45% of young women want children, compared to 57% of young men. Marriage pessimism among young women is increasing dramatically.
They're watching mothers, aunts, and older sisters carry everything—emotional labor, childcare, housework, often the financial burden. And they're opting out.
They Didn't "Give Up"—They Finally Chose Themselves
Here's what most people don't understand about the women who initiate divorce: They tried everything first.
According to Laura Doyle’s study, 2025 State of Marriage, 44.1% of women pursued marriage counseling before filing for divorce. And of those who did, 80-95% found it ineffective.
Why? Because counseling only works when both people are willing to show up, be vulnerable, and do the work. And in many cases, only one person was actually trying.
These women had the hard conversations. They waited. They hoped. They asked. They pleaded.
And eventually, they stopped asking—and started planning.
"I Want a Divorce but My Husband Doesn't": What to Do When You're Ready and He's Not
If this is resonating and you find yourself thinking, "I want a divorce but my husband doesn't," you're not alone. You're part of a massive, quiet exodus of women who finally said "enough."
Here's what you need to know:
You don't need your spouse's permission to file for divorce. In every U.S. state, you have the legal right to end your marriage, even if your partner disagrees. While it may make the process more difficult emotionally and legally, it doesn't make it impossible.
His resistance doesn't invalidate your reasons. The fact that your husband doesn't want a divorce doesn't mean your marriage is working. It often means he benefits from the current arrangement and doesn't want things to change.
You need strategic support—not just legal support. When you want a divorce but your husband doesn't, emotions run high, and negotiations get complicated. That's when having a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® alongside your attorney becomes essential.
How a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® Protects Women's Divorce Settlements
As a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®, my job is to make sure that when you choose yourself, you don't lose everything financially.
I've seen too many women:
Accept unfair settlements because they're exhausted
Miss their ex’s hidden assets or underreported income
Keep the house without realizing they can't afford it long-term
Waive spousal support out of guilt
Not fight for the full value of their non-monetary contributions
I ensure your settlement reflects reality—the years you put your career on hold, the unpaid labor, the emotional management, the opportunity cost.
I spot financial manipulation—if your spouse suddenly has a "bad business year" right before filing, I know what to look for.
I advocate when the other side plays games—vague language, undervalued assets, creative accounting. I push back.
I run financial projections—so you understand what your post-divorce life actually looks like in 5, 10, 20 years.
Your Next Step: Get Support from a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst®
If you're considering divorce, the worst thing you can do is wing it. You need a clear plan to protect yourself financially.
That's why I created my FREE mini-course, 6 Proven Steps to Advocate for a Fair Financial Divorce Settlement.
In it, I share the BRIDGE™ Method I use with every private client—the same process that has moved $25 million into the hands of women who were told to settle for less.
Inside, you'll learn:
💡 How to gather financial information—even if your spouse controlled everything
💡 Red flags that signal financial manipulation or hidden assets
💡 How to build a Divorce Power Team that advocates for you
💡 How to negotiate from strength—not guilt
💡 The biggest mistakes women make (and how to avoid them)
100% free. Zero judgment. Designed to meet you exactly where you are.
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Stay Tuned
If this article resonated with you, I'd love for you to subscribe so you never miss the strategies, insights, and real talk that can change your outcome. And if you know another woman who needs to hear this—send her this article. We're stronger together.
Stay tuned for more empowering content—because your voice matters, your future matters, and I'm here to make sure both are protected every step of the way.
I'm Rhonda Noordyk, and I'll see you in the time on Disrupting Divorce: Conversations for Women.
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