Empowering Women in Gray Divorce: Insights from the Best Divorce Podcast for Women Over 50

Divorce Support

Jul 1

Hi, lovely. Rhonda Noordyk here, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and host of the podcast, Disrupting Divorce: Conversations for Women.

If you’re navigating the choppy waters of a gray divorce, this episode—one of our best divorce podcast episodes yet—is a must-listen.

In it, we cover your most pressing questions, including:

❓ What retirement assets am I entitled to?

❓ Should I keep the house?

❓ What about Social Security—can I claim any of my ex’s benefits?

❓ What will I do about health insurance?

❓ Is alimony a realistic option for me?

Don’t worry—we’ve rounded up our top tips from the episode—right here in this blog post. So, grab a cup of coffee (or wine!), get comfy, and let's dive into some highlights.

What Is Gray Divorce?

First things first—what exactly is gray divorce? It’s a term for divorces happening later in life. In short, it’s divorce over 50. This trend is on the rise, and it comes with its own set of unique challenges. In the podcast, we break these down into five key areas, so you can sail through the process with grace and confidence.

5 Challenges for Women Facing Gray Divorce

Gray Divorce Challenge #1: Retirement Assets

Navigating gray divorce is like trying to untangle a knot of Christmas lights—it requires patience and precision. When you're in that 50-plus category, retirement assets suddenly take center stage. We're talking about 401(k)s, pensions, and those fancy retirement plans that seem to have their own secret language.

I’ve heard women say, “I’ll keep the house and he can keep the pension.”

Yikes! Be careful here. Just because the pension is out of sight and often out of mind doesn't mean it won’t have value to you in the future!

So, step one: identify all the retirement goodies stashed away during the marriage. For the working spouse, that means digging into what plans they've been squirreling money into. It's not just about knowing there's a 401(k) floating around—it's about knowing what kind of 401(k) it is…

👉 Is it traditional?

👉 Roth?

👉 Or something more exotic?

👉 Has your spouse taken out a loan against their 401(k)?

This level of detail isn't just for show. It's about making informed decisions that set the stage for a fair split. Because let's face it, divorce isn't just about saying "adios" and moving on—it's about making sure everyone gets their slice of the pie, even if that pie happens to be retirement funds.

Divorce Over 50 Challenge #2: Marital Home

Your house isn't just a place; it's a piece of your history and comfort zone. But does keeping it make sense for your future?

First things first, find out what the house is worth in today's market. Knowing its value gives you the power to make informed choices. Then, crunch the numbers. Can you handle the mortgage, taxes, and upkeep solo? If not, selling might be the move that sets you free financially.

I get it—it's hard to let go of the memories tied to that place. But think of it as freeing yourself up for a fresh start. This includes replacing the more personal things—bed sheets, dishes and silverware.

Selling doesn't mean losing those memories—it means securing your financial future.

By making these tough calls now, you're paving the way for a future where you call the shots—financially and personally. It's all about making choices that empower you today for a brighter tomorrow.

Gray Divorce Challenge #3: Social Security

Did you know this? If you've been married for a decade or more, federal law grants you the right to claim a portion of your ex's Social Security benefits once they start cashing in.

And here's the kicker—it doesn't affect their payout one bit. And I can help with considering this information to help with negotiations.

So, here’s how it works: when your ex files for retirement benefits, you can potentially receive up to half of what they're entitled to. It's a pretty neat deal, but timing is key. Negotiating with your soon-to-be ex to delay their claim until their full retirement age can increase your share of the benefits. Plus, there are options to combine both your benefits down the line for a more balanced approach.

But here’s a heads-up if you see yourself getting remarried later on…

In order to cash in on your ex’s benefits, you have to be divorced for two years before getting remarried. And if you’re married the second time for 10+ years, you could technically collect on both. It's the law for now, and while it may change, it's wise to stay informed about your entitlements.

PRO TIP

Get to know your local Social Security office—they're the experts who can guide you through the ins and outs of making your claim. Remember, advocating for yourself in this area is key. Don't wait for a check to magically appear—take charge, pick up the phone, and make that claim. Your future self will thank you for it!

Divorce Over 50 Challenge #4 Health Insurance

Navigating health insurance post-divorce can feel overwhelming, especially during a gray divorce. It's crucial to understand your options clearly. COBRA, for instance, allows you to continue with your ex-spouse's employer-provided health insurance for up to 36 months, which can provide stability during a transition period.

But, the devil's in the details—costs can vary widely, and it's essential to compare these against individual insurance options to find what works best for you financially. I've seen cases where staying on COBRA turns out more cost-effective than opting for private insurance, but it's not always the case. Don't assume anything without checking the specifics.

Sometimes, calling your spouse’s HR department directly can provide clarity, especially if he isn't cooperating. They're obligated to assist participants—and you are a participant—so don't hesitate to reach out.

Remember, there's a 60-day window post-divorce to apply for COBRA, so timing is everything. Stay proactive, gather information, and chart your timeline to ensure you're covered without gaps.

Gray Divorce Challenge #5: Alimony

Ah, alimony—the thorn in the side of many women navigating gray divorce. Can you picture yourself in this scenario?

You're in your early 60s, eyeing retirement, while your ex decides it's the perfect time to stop working and conveniently forget about those alimony payments. Classic, right? 🙄

It's all about negotiating a deal that's crystal clear and covers all bases. A common approach is negotiating a fixed dollar amount for a defined period, plus a percentage of their income until they retire. Can't have them skipping off into the sunset scot-free!

But let me tell you, some exes have grand plans like retiring at 55 and declaring, "Ta-da! No more alimony for you!"

Sorry buddy, that's not how this works.

Retirement dreams don't mean your financial obligations magically disappear. We've got spreadsheets, negotiations, and maybe even a lump-sum buyout to hammer out a fair deal.

The key? Get professional advice. Lean on financial professionals, legal eagles, and anyone else who can keep things in your favor. It's about securing your future, not letting someone else's retirement derail your financial stability. Because let's face it, post-divorce poverty statistics for women aren't just numbers—they're a wake-up call to take charge of your financial future.

To sum it up: don’t feel pressured to make decisions without all the information, take your time, gather your team, and make informed choices. This is your financial future—advocate for it wisely!

Looking for the best divorce podcast? Tune in for more episodes!

If you found this post helpful, you'll love the podcast. This episode is just one of many insightful discussions designed to empower women through every stage of the divorce process. We cover everything from financial strategies to emotional well-being, bringing in top industry experts to give you the best advice out there.

So, what are you waiting for? Head over to my podcast library and dive into more episodes of Disrupting Divorce: Conversations for Women. Whether you're facing a gray divorce or just want to be better prepared, there’s an episode for you. Let’s disrupt the traditional divorce narrative and empower women like you to thrive post-divorce. You’ve got this, girlfriend!

Rhonda Noordyk