Women’s Divorce Attorney Not Listening? Here’s How to Advocate for Yourself
Navigating divorce is already overwhelming, but when your women's divorce attorney—the person you’re paying to represent and support you—starts brushing you off, it can feel like yet another betrayal.
Let me be clear: this is not acceptable.
Hi, I’m Rhonda Noordyk, Certified Divorce Financial Analyst® and fierce advocate for women navigating the financial storm of divorce. Sound like you? First off, I’m so glad you’re here—you’re in the right place. And I invite you to subscribe to my YouTube channel for expert tips, women’s divorce stories, and strategies to empower you throughout your journey.
Over the years, I’ve heard countless stories from women who feel dismissed, unheard, and unsupported by their attorneys.
This stops now. If your attorney isn’t listening, it’s time to step into your power, take back control of the conversation, and make your voice heard.
This post is packed with actionable tips to help you advocate for yourself and ensure your attorney works for YOU—not the other way around. Let’s dive in.
Women’s Divorce Tip#1: Start with the right women's divorce attorney.
The best way to avoid feeling dismissed is to hire the right attorney from the outset. Your attorney should be someone who understands your goals, listens to your concerns, and values your input. But how do you know if an attorney is the right fit?
When interviewing attorneys, ask targeted questions to gauge their expertise, communication style, and alignment with your priorities.
Here are a few key questions to ask:
How many cases like mine have you handled?
What’s your communication style, and how quickly do you respond to emails or calls?
What’s your approach to negotiating vs. litigating?
How do you handle client concerns when they feel unheard?
For a full roundup of every question you should be asking your attorney candidates, check out my podcast episode, 10 Questions to Ask When Interviewing an Attorney. It’s a must-listen to help you avoid communication gaps and find an advocate who genuinely has your back.
Women's Divorce Attorney Tip#2: Know the right questions to ask.
Sometimes, the disconnect between you and your attorney boils down to miscommunication. Attorneys are busy and often juggle multiple cases, but that’s no excuse for poor communication. The key is to ask direct, specific questions that require clear answers.
For example:
👉 “What’s the next step in my case, and when can I expect it to happen?”
👉 “Can you explain why we’re taking this approach and not another?”
👉 “What options do I have to ensure my financial interests are protected?”
By asking targeted questions, you demonstrate that you’re engaged, informed, and—most importantly—unwilling to be sidelined.
Women’s Divorce Lawyer Tip#3: Push back when necessary.
You hired your attorney—they work for YOU. If you feel brushed off, you have every right to speak up. Many women hesitate to push back because they fear being labeled as “difficult” or “demanding.” Let me tell you something: advocating for yourself isn’t being difficult—it’s being smart.
Here are a few scenarios where pushing back is appropriate:
Your attorney dismisses your concerns without explanation.
They fail to provide updates or respond to your questions in a timely manner.
They pressure you to settle without fully exploring your options.
When pushing back, remain calm but firm. Clearly articulate your concerns and ask for specific action steps to address them.
Women's Divorce Attorney Tip#4: Write a confidently-worded email.
Sometimes, the best way to get your attorney’s attention is to put your concerns in writing. A well-crafted email can be a powerful tool for demanding transparency and accountability.
Here’s a framework you can use:
Subject Line: [Urgent/Follow-Up Needed] Regarding My Case
Body:
Start with appreciation: “Thank you for your work on my case so far.”
State your concern clearly: “I’m feeling unsure about the direction we’re taking, as I haven’t received updates on [specific issue].”
Be direct about your expectations: “I need clarification on [specific point] and a timeline for next steps.”
Close with accountability: “Please let me know when we can discuss this further or if you need additional information from me.”
By documenting your concerns, you create a paper trail and set a clear expectation that you won’t be ignored.
Women’s Divorce Lawyer Tip#5: Set boundaries.
Your attorney is not the ultimate decision-maker—you are. If they make you feel pressured to take steps you’re uncomfortable with, it’s okay to say no and ask for alternatives.
Here’s how to set boundaries:
If they recommend a course of action you disagree with, ask for an explanation of the risks and benefits.
If you feel rushed to make a decision, request more time to consider your options.
If communication is an ongoing issue, set expectations for regular updates (e.g., “I’d like to receive a weekly email with the status of my case.”).
Women’s Divorce Tip#6: Know when to find a new divorce lawyer.
Wondering how to fire a divorce attorney? If you’ve tried everything and your attorney still isn’t listening, it may be time to find someone else. Yes, switching attorneys can feel daunting, but staying with someone who doesn’t prioritize your needs could cost you far more—financially and emotionally—in the long run.
Need help finding a women’s divorce attorney you can trust?
In my National Resource Directory, you’ll find my network of trusted attorneys, mediators, therapists, and other divorce professionals—each one personally vetted by yours truly. Get instant access here!
Women’s Divorce Lawyer Tip#7: Advocate for yourself beyond the attorney.
While a women's divorce attorney plays a critical role in your divorce, you are your own best advocate. And advocating for yourself starts with having the right tools. My FREE mini-course, 6 Proven Steps to Advocate for a Fair Divorce Settlement, will help you:
Spot red flags when your attorney isn’t acting in your best interest.
Learn how to push back with confidence and clarity.
Build a strategy to protect your financial future.