Christmas Divorce Survival Guide: Thriving (Not Just Surviving) During the Holidays
The holidays are stressful at the best of times, but when youâre going through a divorce, they can feel overwhelming. Between the emotional upheaval and the financial strain, itâs easy to find yourself simply trying to survive instead of enjoying the season. But what if this holiday could be more than survivalâmore than just a Christmas divorce?
What if it could be the first step toward thriving?
Iâm Rhonda Noordyk, a Certified Divorce Financial AnalystÂŽ, and Iâve spent over a decade helping women navigate divorce with confidence and clarity. This season, I want to give you a roadmap to stay emotionally grounded and financially prepared so you can create a holiday that feels both meaningful and manageable.
Hereâs your step-by-step Christmas Divorce Survival Guide:
Step 1: Start With MindsetâEmbrace Imperfection
Before you dive into logistics or financial planning, pause and take a breath. Holidays in divorce might not look like they used to, and thatâs okay. Give yourself permission to release the expectations of a âperfectâ holiday.
Picture this: A beautifully decorated house, perfectly wrapped gifts, and endless joy on every face. Sound familiar? That vision is often more rooted in societal pressure than reality, and when youâre navigating a divorce, it can feel impossible. Shift your mindset: this year, focus on progress, not perfection.
đ Christmas divorce tip:
Write down three words that you want your holiday to embody. Maybe itâs peace, stability, or connection. Use these words as your guiding principles when making decisions about what to prioritize this season.
Related: Divorce During the Holidays: Letting Go of Perfection & Embracing Your Bold New Beginning
Step 2: Holiday Check-InâSet a Holiday Budget
Money can feel tight during the holidays in divorce, especially with legal fees, new living arrangements, and the uncertainty of what lies ahead. Add in the holiday spending frenzy, and itâs easy to feel overwhelmed. Take control by setting a realistic holiday budget.
How to Start:
List Your Holiday Expenses: Gifts, decorations, food, and travel add up fast. Write it all down.
Prioritize: Focus on the essentials. For example, choose thoughtful, smaller gifts for your kids instead of splurging to âcompeteâ with your ex.
Get Creative: Homemade gifts, quality time, or even a âcoupon bookâ for fun activities can be just as meaningful as store-bought items.
đ Christmas divorce co-parenting tip:
If youâre co-parenting, communicate your plans to your ex to avoid duplicate or uneven gifting. While this might not always go smoothly, a quick email outlining your intentions can help set expectations.
Step 3: Build Your Support System
The holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness, but you donât have to navigate this season alone. Surround yourself with a support system of people who lift you up, whether itâs friends, family, or even professionals like a therapist or financial advisor.
đ How to connect:
Lean on Your Circle: Schedule coffee dates, invite a friend for a movie night, or simply call someone who understands.
Join a Community: Whether itâs an online support group for women going through divorce or a local meet-up, connecting with others in similar situations can provide comfort.
Hire a Professional: A Certified Divorce Financial AnalystÂŽ (like me!) can help you strategize your financial decisions, especially during the holidays when spending tends to spike.
Step 4: Focus on What You Can Control
Divorce often feels like a whirlwind of uncertainty, and the holidays can magnify that. But hereâs the good news: while you canât control everything, you can control your own actions and decisions.
đ Examples of what you can control:
Your spending habits
The traditions you choose to keep or let go
How you allocate your time and energy
Your boundaries (more on that next)
By focusing on whatâs within your control, you reclaim your powerâand thatâs a gift in itself.
Step 5: Set Boundariesâand Stick to Them
Boundaries are essential during divorce, especially during the holidays when emotions and obligations run high. Whether itâs declining an invitation to a family event or limiting conversations with your ex, clear boundaries protect your peace.
đ Itâs crucial to set boundaries with:
Family: If someone pressures you to do more than youâre comfortable with, practice saying, âI appreciate your support, but this year, I need to keep things simple.â
Your Ex: Establish communication limits. For example, agree to discuss holiday plans via email instead of phone calls to reduce tension.
Yourself: Give yourself permission to say no to things that drain your energyâwhether itâs attending a party or trying to outdo Pinterest-worthy decorations.
Step 6: Prepare for Co-Parenting Challenges
Co-parenting during the holidays can be one of the trickiest aspects of divorce. Sharing time with your kids might feel heart-wrenching, especially if this is your first year apart.
đ How to navigate co-parenting:
Stick to the Schedule: Follow the custody agreement to avoid conflict.
Create New Traditions: If your kids spend Christmas morning with your ex, plan a special âChristmas Eve Pajama Partyâ at your house.
Focus on Quality Over Quantity: Itâs not about how much time you have with your kids, but how meaningful that time is.
Related: Divorce a Narcissist: 6 Things Your Ex is Hoping You Don't Know About Divorce Finances
Step 7: Plan for Emotional Self-Care
Letâs face it: spending the holidays in divorce brings up a lot of emotions. Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your survival strategy.
đ Christmas divorce self-care ideas:
Journaling: Reflect on what youâre feeling and what youâre grateful for.
Movement: Whether itâs yoga, a walk in the crisp winter air, or dancing to your favorite playlist, moving your body can boost your mood.
Quiet Time: Carve out moments of stillness, even if itâs just 10 minutes with a cup of tea.
Step 8: Use the Holidays as a Financial Reset
The holidays are a natural time to reflect on where you are financiallyâand where you want to go. Use this season to start building the foundation for a brighter financial future.
đ Financial reset checklist:
Review Shared Accounts: Make sure you have a clear understanding of your financial footprint. If needed, consult a Certified Divorce Financial AnalystÂŽ to help you uncover hidden assets or clarify your financial standing. (PssstâI walk you through this step-by-step in the BRIDGE⢠Experience!)
Track Your Spending: Keep tabs on where your money is going this holiday season. Awareness is the first step to control.
Plan for the Future: Set financial goals for the upcoming year. Whether itâs building an emergency fund or negotiating a fair divorce settlement, having a plan will keep you focused.
Related: Womenâs Divorce and the Power of Self-Advocacy: How to Stand Up for Yourself in 3 Simple Steps
Step 9: RememberâThis Season Is Temporary
This year might feel heavy, but it wonât always be this way. Future holidays will bring new traditions, new joys, and new memories. For now, focus on protecting your peace.
Step 10: Turn Survival into Strength
If the holidays feel like a test, let this be the moment you rise. My FREE mini-course, 6 Proven Steps to Advocate for a Fair Divorce Settlement, will help you:
Build a strategy to protect your financial future.
Learn to push back on unfair terms with confidence.
Discover how to break free from overwhelm and move forward boldly.