Pulling Back the Sheets on Divorce
It’s no secret that divorce is just as much economical as it is emotional. And that, as women, we’d much rather talk about the emotional impacts divorce has on our lives than the financial. Money, like sex and politics, is often a taboo topic in conversations. I get that finances are just something that most people don’t like to talk about, but with the national average of divorce attorney costing upwards of $15,000…it’s beyond time we do more than peek beneath the sheet—it’s time we throw them off and look at how women can thrive before, during, and after divorce.
Divorce Quickie: Dissecting the Numbers
In working with women who are going through divorce in Milwaukee and surrounding cities, I see seven areas that impact their ability to recover financially post-divorce.
Qualifications needed to re-enter the job market (it takes time!)
Undervaluing self and contribution to the marriage
Increased credit card debt
Cost of the divorce process itself
Knowledge of finances (lack therefore…)
Impact of the divorce (actual results)
Establishing a budget
While Wisconsin is a marital property state, it doesn’t mean that everything is black and white or always split 50/50. According to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts (IDFA), Wisconsin is the only state that is essentially a community property state but has exceptions to the typical community property rules. Interesting, right? Furthermore, we don’t like to admit this, but sometimes the best negotiator and most confident party triumphs.
Along that same line, there is an unwritten pressure to settle before going to trial. Who wants to be one of 4-5% of cases that go to trial? Where is this pressure to compromise and settle coming from? And, what is the overall financial implication of this decision?
I am not saying I am for or against going to trial, I just see women who are under the impression that there are too many variables and unknowns that can go awry when going before the judge. And, I believe that women may feel pressured to agree to terms that impact them for the rest of their lives because conceding on issues may seem less costly, less risky, and simply the nice or fair thing to do. The harsh truth is that this perception can have devastating and demoralizing impacts on a woman’s current and future financial well-being.
It’s Getting Hot in Here
For women who—as a family decision—left careers or stayed home to raise the kids, there are a few vital considerations they need to reflect on and advocate for as they proceed in their divorce to give themselves the financial foundation they will require to support themselves and their families long-term:
It can take time to get back into the workforce.
Getting a new position may require additional training, certification, or education.
The court may impute income which impacts the amount of child support or maintenance you may receive.
You may still have preschool-aged children and the cost of daycare may offset the cost of going back to work full-time.
Don’t forget that the lack of access to funds, even temporarily, can impact finances even more negatively if the only option is to incur debt. You may have to use credit cards to pay for the day-to-day expenses and/or divorce-related expenses. It is not uncommon for me to talk to women who didn’t have any debt prior to the divorce process, but due to the process and the significant income changes, they start carrying a balance on their credit cards with the intent to hopefully make progress after the divorce is over. This can be not only really unsettling for them, but honestly, truly difficult to pay the balance off afterwards if they don’t have a job (yet) or are on a fixed income (i.e. child support). The reality is that many women spend years trying to get out of debt, and in some cases, may end up filing for bankruptcy because they can’t get ahead.
My point is this: having a firm awareness of the financial options available will create a deep sense of financial confidence. This is imperative for women considering or going through a divorce (really, it’s imperative for all women, but more on that in another blog!).
Bringing Sexy Back
The last area that impacts women’s financial recovery after divorce is having a budget. There is nothing hotter or more glamorous than being disciplined and empowered around your money.
Nothing beats the feeling of knowing you have the funds to support yourself and your family whenever you need them.
This starts with having a budget. A budget is your tool to do more than survive—it’s the core piece of data you’ll need to negotiate maintenance, figure out your housing and living expenses, and essentially create a life you’ll love post-divorce.
Why? Because in Wisconsin, there is not a straight calculation for maintenance like there is with child support. There are several factors that are taken into consideration. According to the IDFA, maintenance is based on needs of the recipient, ability to pay, and economic differences between the partners. Your budget helps identify and quantify your needs. For example, I can’t tell you how many women I’ve worked with go looking for apartments (or houses) and call in me tears because they don’t think they can afford anything. The reality is that they CAN if they know the amount of rent/mortgage they personally can afford each month, and what income is coming in. Then, they would be empowered to sign on the dotted line and move forward.
This applies to every expense you have. Every goal you have for yourself and your family. You CAN and WILL be able to do the things you want in life, but you need the right tool. And your budget is one of those bedrock pieces that will help you get there.
Love What You See in the Mirror
Knowledge without experience is just a theory. Experience without knowledge is trial and error.
But when you have knowledge and experience working together? That’s financial confidence. And that’s what it takes to empower yourself and lean into the conversations and decisions that make us uncomfortable or fearful.
[Knowledge + Experience = Confidence]
I love being able to see confidence unfold for my clients. However, this is often when they may be met with resistance, because they are finding their voice, trusting their gut, and walking in truth. With knowledge, tools, and support behind their; they are able make excellent financial decisions and stop second guessing their progress.
Make the Bed YOUR Way
Not knowing how much the divorce is going to cost you creates additional financial and emotional stress, affecting all aspects of our life. But the right tools and support system will help you succeed now and set you up for success in the future. That’s why I’m here. So reach out and let me know how I can help.
Ready to own your financial future? Let's do this! 💃
In Wisconsin (or anywhere else!)—the divorce scene is tricky. No matter where you live, we're here to help with…
Demystifying the divorce nuances,
Empowering your negotiations,
Support your career re-entry,
And make budgeting sexy!
Don't just survive. Sparkle with financial confidence. BRIDGE™ is your secret to a fabulous post-divorce life!